Two quotes and two exercises that might help you lose the “wait” toward oneness in your marriage…

Hard to believe March 1st is tomorrow. That means the Sunday morning equipping focus for the Westpoint Church family moves on from the letter “E” to the letter “N” of the SENT emphasis – “NEIGHBORING.” This next teaching series is entitled “God became neighbor.” We will walk through four Scriptures in the Gospel of John as we consider the implications of God coming near to us. Looking forward to a special Easter season!!!

And here is the final Spouse Beach Diet weigh in! Even still, I hope you and your spouse will continue to give energy and effort to the diet and exercise of marriage together. To wrap up the month, consider the following two quotes and two questions together. Take some time on an upcoming date night or late night coffee at home to thoroughly discuss them. It may be just the workout you need to continue to lose the “wait” toward oneness and to go with God together on the intimate, beautiful intended mission of your marriage.

First quote…

“The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.”
― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

QUESTION _ if the Gospel is not just something you trusted one day for conversion but everyday for abundant life in Christ, AND if the Gospel is something that is embodied more than just intellectually received, then how might you and your spouse need to center the Gospel more in your marriage? How is it absent from your relationship (in ways that you treat each other)? How would it be displayed to one another if Gospel was more central to your relationship?

Next quote…

“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God’s saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God’s mercy and grace.”
― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

QUESTION _ How are love and truth playing a part in your relationship? How might one or the other be missing? HUSBANDS – is your wife certain that, like Christ, the one thing she will always be able to count on is your love and your presence? WIVES – is your husband encouraged and affirmed in the ways that you communicate your needs, or is he discouraged and torn down? How can love and truth draw you closer toward each other? And how, if applied, might it transform the way you communicate with each other?

Hope this is a meaningful and fruitful exercise, even if it is hard, even if it hurts. Please remember that difficult does NOT equal bad. Often, in fact, it equals becoming. In the context of marriage, often it equals becoming one.

Much love.

-jason

Barbara Rainey suggests, “Without question, the biggest deterrent to romance for moms is children.” Read more in this repost of her article “Need Machines.”

Our emphasis on “marriage” and living the SENT life with your spouse continues with this great article from Barbara Rainey of Family Life Today entitled “Need Machines.” Great discussion starter for husbands and wives regarding their intimacy and oneness in the busy season of raising children. Good stuff! Thankful for Dennis and Barbara Rainey and how they encourage so many couples.

Hope it is encouraging to you!
-Jason
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Need Machines
by Barbara Rainey

Over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I have saved up for you, my beloved.
Song of Solomon 7:13

Without question, the biggest deterrent to romance for moms is children. These sweet, precious, innocent little ones given to us by God are also self-centered, untrained, unending “need machines” who can suck the life out of our marriage. They often leave us feeling like the mother who said, “It’s ironic. Romance gave us our children, and children ended our romance.”

But motherhood can simply be a tempting excuse for giving up sex. Caught up in her day-in-day-out responsibilities, a mother can experience a slow shift in loyalty from husband to children. She thinks the needs of her children, since they are so helpless and formative, are more important than the needs of her husband. After all, he’s an adult.

True. And yet one reason why this reasoning is faulty–one reason why it’s easy for us to have little sympathy for our husband’s sexual needs–is that we as women are able to experience our femaleness simply by nurturing our children. We feel fully alive as women when we’re caring for them (that is, when we’re not totally exhausted!). We feel a deep, innate sense of well-being and fulfillment; it is an indescribable privilege that brings us profound satisfaction. It’s what we were made to do.

But it’s only part of being a woman. God didn’t create you with the capacity and compulsion to nurture just for the sake of your children. He also meant for you to nurture life in your husband. Maintaining this balance is one of the biggest challenges of the parenting years; your children need to see Dad and Mom in love.

Nurturing life in your husband may not be as automatic as it is with your children, but it is no less important. God will help you balance the needs of both husband and children when you depend upon Him.

Discuss
What are some practical, creative ways you both could keep romance alive, even when living in a house full of children?

Pray
Pray for God’s wisdom in balancing life’s demands.

marriage and making love _ encouragement for those embarking on the Spouse Beach Diet with us this month…

Our emphasis on SENT life together continues this month with a focus on the most intimate of all of our relationships – marriage. The oneness or lack thereof in the relationship between a husband and wife can define and empower SENT life or distract and hinder mission together. The hope this month is to better equip husbands and wives to grow in oneness and experience the SENT life Jesus intended.

Last Sunday in the teaching, we learned together about “Eating Jesus Together.” If you so desire, you can listen to the podcast by clicking here.

Meanwhile, here are some encouraging words about romance in marriage from Dennis and Barbara Rainey of Family Life Today. Enjoy…

________________________

Dennis and I received a cute email about the romantic differences between men and women. It began by asking, “How do you romance a woman?”

Answer: “Wine her, dine her, call her, cuddle with her, surprise her, compliment her hair, shop with her, listen to her talk, buy flowers, hold her hand, write love letters, and be willing to go to the end of the earth and back again for her.” I could go along with that.

But when it asked the same question the other way–“How do you romance a man?”–the answer was much more brief and to the point.

Answer: “Arrive naked. Bring food.”

Ahhh . . . men.

But in a way, this blending of our roman¬tic differences is similar to how you make a good salad dressing. Oil and vinegar are about as dissimilar as condiments get. The only thing they have in common is that they are liquids. Other than that, they’re night and day. Oil is smooth; vine¬gar is sharp. Oil is thick; vinegar is thin. Left alone in the same bottle, the two will always migrate to opposite ends and remain there forever–unless shaken.

Interestingly, however, even after the bottle has been shaken, the two ingredients retain their unique identities. And yet they complement each other in a savory unity. Together, they serve as a zesty finish to an otherwise bland mix of lettuces.

And so it is in marriage. No matter how many times a husband and wife come together, they always remain unique. He will always think like a man; she, like a woman. And although their innate design will never change, they can better under-stand each other and move to love one another with compassion, knowing that in so doing, they create a savory blend of romantic intrigue.

Discuss:
What do you love about your romantic differences? Which ones can drive you crazy?

Pray:
Pray for patient understanding and for new ways of embracing and loving this wonderful person you married.

__________________

As an ADDED BONUS _ here are “4 Ideas to Improve Your Love-Making” also from Family Life. Really enjoy this one :-)

Much love.
-jason

28 Days of Suggested Nutritional Choices for the Diet of Your Marriage (aka The Spouse Beach Diet)…

Eating was important to Jesus, and so it should be important to us as His followers.

“The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!'”
(Luke 7:34 HCSB)

Jen and I like to go out to eat. We don’t always like learning the nutritional information about some of our favorite restaurants, though. Jesus didn’t come with a nutritional information guide, but He did ask His followers to eat Him!?!

So Jesus said to them, “I assure you: Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you do not have life in yourselves. Anyone who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day, because My flesh is real food and My blood is real drink.
(John 6:53-55 HCSB)

Paul gives us an indication of what it is that we are “eating” when we eat of the Bread of Life, because we become what we have eaten.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.
(Galatians 5:22, 23 HCSB)

The same principle is true in our marriages. Our marriages become what we are feasting on individually and together. The Spirit blossoms in us or the flesh rears its destructive head.

And so, “The Spouse Beach Diet.”

This month, as the Westpoint Church family focuses on the letter E of the SENT emphasis, as we continue to emphasize the mission of Jesus central to our daily rhythms and alive in our everyday relationships, we turn to the most intimate everyday relationship we can have on earth. Marriage is metaphorical of the relationship between Christ and the church, and it is literally the one relationship that can define the very purpose of our lives.

Because this is so, let’s take the time this month to discover what the Scriptures teach us about the dietary nutrition of our marriages.

On a very practical level, here are 28 Days of Suggested Nutritional Choices for the Diet of Your Marriage (aka The Spouse Beach Diet) – one a day for the wives to consider and live out (if they so choose) and one a day for the husbands to consider and live out (if they so choose). You can click on the links below to check them out. Just to be clear, they are rated M for “marriage.” :)

For the husbands to consider – https://jasoncdukes.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/husbands-spouse-beach-diet-28-days-suggestions-copy.pdf

For the wives to consider – https://jasoncdukes.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/wives-spouse-beach-diet-28-days-suggestions.pdf

Hopeful that this February will be a nutritious one for your marriage!!! Find a few couples to pray for you and with you and share the ups and downs with as you diet together this month.

Much love.

-jason

Husbands and wives _ ever “spit in your spouse’s soup?” Here’s a post from @FamilyLifeOrg worth the read.

Wanted to share this post from Barbara and Dennis Rainey’s enewsletter that I receive daily. You can get this daily dose from “moments with you” if you click here. Definitely worth the read. Hope it encourages and challenges you, too.

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Underground Warfare

Not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9

Some couples just don’t seem to know any other way to relate to one another than with digs, comebacks and put-downs. But sometimes, that same bitterness of spirit can show itself in less vocal ways, when one or the other spouse stews underneath and passively retaliates. There’s more than one way to get back at your spouse.

This reminds me of the old story—supposedly true—about some soldiers who were living off base during the Korean War. They hired a local houseboy to do cooking and cleaning and other odd jobs for them, but they also took delight in playing tricks on him—just for meanness.

One morning when the boy got up and put on his slippers, he awkwardly fell forward to the ground—his shoes had been nailed to the floor. One night when he crawled into bed, he found shaving cream under his pillow. But no matter what pranks the soldiers pulled—whether short-sheeting his bed or setting buckets of water over his door—he always appeared to respond without much visible anger. “That’s okay,” he would say.

Finally, the young men realized they’d been inhumane in their treatment of the boy. They went to him and apologized. “We’re sorry for what we’ve been doing to you. It won’t happen again.”

“You no more nail shoes to the floor?” No.

“You no more short-sheet bed? No more shave cream under pillow?” That’s right.

A little smile crept across the boy’s lips. Then he said, “Okay. Then me no more spit in soup.”

There are many, many ways to spit in each other’s soup in marriage. I am amazed at how quickly my mind can creatively come up with ways to retaliate. The Scriptures tell us that it isn’t wrong to be tempted. But it is wrong to “spit in your spouse’s soup!” In the spirit of 1 Peter 3:9, find a way to give a blessing instead of an insult.

Discuss
Be honest: When and how have you undercut each other like this? What are your little tricks for getting even? How can you begin to practice “giving a blessing instead”?

Pray
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you turn away from hurting your spouse and to help you give your spouse a blessing in the heat of the moment.