A few thoughts and a prayer as my heart aches for the families of Newtown, CT…

Yesterday I had the blessing of being with my family on one of our little one’s – Ella’s – fourth birthday. With the events of today in CT, I was once again reminded not to have any regrets for missing work to be with family.

My heart has been aching since I heard the news of 20 children and 8 adults whose lives were lost in a small New England town this morning. Tragic is an understatement. Everyone has been taken off guard. It was at an elementary school. An elementary school!!!

I’ve struggled through anger and tears this afternoon. I cannot imagine, as my sister-in-law articulated on Facebook, how those family members will feel tonight as they sit around their living room looking at presents under a Christmas tree (or hidden in a closet) marked for their child who did not come home today from school.

This is yet another reminder of the death present in our world and the importance of our mission as followers of Jesus to live sent with His presence. Leaders, including today, cry out again that these things happen because “they keep God out of our school.” What bologna! God won’t be out of our schools until someone removes the Holy Spirit from those who follow Him as they go there!

We are not asked by God to legislate righteousness. We are not persuading and proselytizing for an alternative religion here. We have been loved by the God who came near compelling us to go near with His love to those who have yet to believe beyond the death and selfishness of the here and now. Our mission is not so trite as only to be about moralism in school or making a better culture. It has all to do with displaying the message of resurrection life so that hope can be found and dead can be made new again.

As Peterson so eloquently and appropriately wrote:

The church is a colony of resurrection in the country of death.

Jesus. You wept over the effect of death. Thank You, as the One who made us, for having a heart of grace for us when we, as the ones who were made, chose to eat of the tree that opened our minds and hearts to all we could know about what we are so beautifully as well as horrifically capable of. Thank You for resurrection. Thank You for hope. Amen.

I am thankful for my family. What is one way you are thankful for your family?

I am thankful for my family.

For my wife who is my best friend, whose beauty is unmatched, whose faith is unwavering, whose passion is our children’s hearts, whose affection is beyond fulfilling, and whose wisdom is so edifying.

For children who anticipate my arrival home, who are perseverant of my parental flaws, whose laughter fills up my heart, whose hugs are therapeutic, and whose imaginations take me on unforgettable adventures.

For a father who mirrored and modeled our heavenly Father’s gracious, generous love. For a brother who invited me along with him to learn and live the ways of Jesus. For in-laws who welcomed me into their family, encouraged me to take Jen’s hand in marriage, and who support our family with uplifting fellowship that we treasure beyond words.

I am thankful for my family.

How are you thankful for yours?

This week, in prep for our “Family Conversation” Sat night, let’s consider five contrasts between parenting from grace versus parenting for moralism.

This week, I wanted to share five posts, one each day from today through Saturday, containing thoughts that swirl in my head and heart regarding “grace based parenting.” It is in preparation for our Westpoint Church “Family Conversation” this coming Saturday night @ the Roper YMCA in Winter Garden, FL at 6pm.

It has been inspired by such resources as:

:: Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel
:: Give Them Grace by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson
:: Gospel-Centered Parenting by Rick Thomas
:: Gospel-Centered Family by Tim Chester

For those planning on being there, please consider reading these five posts I will post this week prior to coming Saturday, as they will certainly enrich our learning conversation together. For those who can’t make it, I hope they encourage and sharpen you in your parenting.

Hopeful for more “on earth as it is in heaven” in our homes and kids’ lives.

-jason

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contrast 1 _ parenting with the Gospel versus parenting for moralism

Let me begin by stating the obvious – my wife and I may have six kids but that doesn’t mean we are good parents. In fact, we are very aware of our mistakes, and we try to be confessional about them with the Lord and with each other.

Furthermore, may I suggest that God did not intend for the goal of your parenting to be GOOD. By that I mean the Scriptures never seem to call us to focus on our own goodness and improvement, measuring our performance while expecting perfect results. This is a sure fire formula for severe disappointment, both in ourselves and our kids.

Notice what Moses commanded the Hebrews in Deuteronomy 6:

Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. When the Lord your God brings you into the land He swore to your fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob that He would give you-a [land with] large and beautiful cities that you did not build, houses full of every good thing that you did not fill [them with], wells dug that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant-and when you eat and are satisfied, be careful not to forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the place of slavery.
(Deuteronomy 6:4-12 HCSB)

Among the many things one could say about this Scripture, notice that Moses challenged them to remember who God is and what He had said and what He was doing and that He wanted to be as close to them as in their heart, involved in the everyday rhythms of their lives. Also, notice that Moses challenged them to be cautious when they got into the land not to reflect on their own goodness and accomplishments forgetting the goodness and nearness of God. God’s goodness was to be highlighted so that their kids would know Him above all else.

It’s almost like Moses expected them to forget God gave them what they had. It’s almost like Moses anticipated their pride and their tendency toward making themselves the idol as well as making for themselves an idol. After all, he had quite a history with them that demonstrated this pattern.

We are prone to wander, too. Prone as people to forget the God who so loved the world instead living like we, the world, need to perform perfectly to earn His love. Prone as parents to try to be good enough so that our kids will turn out good instead of remembering that even our best efforts still won’t guarantee our kids make the best choices. Prone as families to create cultures within our homes filled with expectations that kids maintain a certain image, modifying their behavior with self-improvement tactics instead of living lives eager to confess when mistakes are made, highlighting a Savior who invited us to deny self and follow Him daily.

May we never forget all that God does in and through us in spite of our stubbornness and in the midst of our mistakes.

Moses never challenged the people to be GOOD parents. Maybe because God wants us to trust that His goodness is enough rather than trying to be good enough?

Does God want us to parent our kids on a foundation of grace or from a foundation of self-improvement?

Let’s consider the purpose of marriage. Is it to grow in oneness with the Father together as a couple while growing toward intimate oneness that leads to being fruitful and multiplying in many ways, including dying to self in order to give life into one another as well as into the next generation? The Garden story seems to declare this.

Let’s consider the purpose of parenting. Is it to love God with all of our heart and soul and strength, learning and living His ways together as a family and emphasizing His teachings in our everyday rhythms such that our children get to know and never forget this God who has come near and invites them along with Him? Deuteronomy 6 seems to declare this.

Let’s consider the pragmatism of parenting. What will cultivate for our kids living a Jesus-centered life? Will it be raising kids in an environment that demands moral perfection creating kids so clean and tidy they never think of even needing the Gospel? Or will it be raising kids in an environment of gracious relationship where wrongs are confronted with opportunities for confession and rights are encouraged with grateful affirmation? It must be an environment where selfishness is challenged at all costs. And all kinds of selfishness – both the self-indulgent kind as well as the self-righteous kind.

My prayer is that our children will grow into adults who recognize knowing Jesus as a desperate need rather than an opportunity for improvement and advancement?

The goal of our parenting may need to be adjusted from our kids having good behavior to our kids believing in and understanding their desperate need for God’s goodness. What are we doing to help them realize how good He is rather than realizing a personal goodness?

Paul declared that perfect rule keeping simply isn’t enough. In fact, he declared it as contrary to the cross of Christ.

19 What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. 20 Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule- keeping, peer- pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule- keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.
(Galatians 2:19-21, MSG)

Wow. So, how does that change my parenting philosophy and approach? Hopefully we can continue to learn along that pathway of thinking together on Saturday night.

Meanwhile, why do we parent our kids as though they shouldn’t make mistakes? Lets look at that tomorrow…

Is it “family OR mission,” “family AND mission,” or “family ON mission?” Challenging thoughts from @Mike_Breen

God definitely seems to be using Mike Breen‘s experiences in Europe to encourage and influence our future experiences as the church here in America. Below is an excerpt from a post Mike wrote earlier this year regarding the above title. It is worth the read, and I would dig your comments for sure.

Praying we will grow in wisdom as individuals and families living on mission together focused on what really matters to Jesus.

How our kids translate and interpret what it even means to follow Jesus depends on it.

Much love.
-jason
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Sacrificing Mission on the Altar of Family?
by Mike Breen

Here’s the problem. For far too long, many of us felt we were pushed into having to make this false dichotomy: Is it family OR mission?

Rightly recognizing we shouldn’t sacrifice our families, we started to put some healthy boundaries in place, but also some unhealthy ones. So we started to compartmentalize. But I believe it’s part of the progression. So for many of us, this is now the question of our time: Is it family AND mission?

But when we learn to integrate our life and live well as a people participating in the mission of God each and every day and as we listen to the mission God is calling our family to, this is the next progression: Is it family ON mission?

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READ THE ENTIRE POST and the litany of comments by CLICKING HERE.

“Five Ways to Eat the Bible Together” from @AnnVoskamp. Very much worth sharing with you…

Yesterday on her blog, Ann Voskamp shared five “spiritual diets” she and her family have lived together. I thought they were worth sharing to encourage you and your family as you live sent together. They are below…

REMEMBER – if you are married, do not live on mission thinking you cannot include your spouse and kids. Including them is crucial. The near love of Jesus is best seen in the loving dynamic of a people on mission together. That includes the family unit. You don’t want your kids going to college one day having never seen a disciple made and having never loved the least of these. They need to define “following Jesus” as more than a prayer prayed and “church attendance.”

These family times immersed in the Scriptures are the nourishment they need for growing up in Christ. And you and I need it, too.

Make it a priority. I know I need to. Cause this “eating” is to important to relegate to leftovers, so may we do more than leave it to the energy left over when all else is done in the day.

Thanks, Ann, for this encouragement.

May we eat well and have some quality family meals, too :-)
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“5 Ways to Eat the Bible Together”
from Ann Voskamp

There are varied ways to eat healthy, and we often eat differently in different seasons… so it goes with Manna from heaven.

Here are some spiritual diets we’ve lived:

1. In Slow time…
Instead of swallowing large portions of scripture, certain seasons we eat very slowly, savoring only a few verses at a time by first listening to His Word, reading only a few verses…. then I linger, quietly meditating on those 2-3 verses, turning the words over and over…. then to lift voice in prayer, pray the Scriptures back to God… and then live the Words, contemplate on the verses long, and throughout the day, that hand and feet and tongue might do them.

For more: How to Savor the Bible

2. In Community…
In addition to meal-time meditations, there have been seasons where we’ve had personal quiet time together as a family, so children see parents savoring truth and parents can model how to eat.

For more: Communal Quiet Time

3. In Audio …
I’m making it a habit that when I clean, or run the morning routine, do domestic tasks, to always slip in another disk of the audio Bible: clean the heart while cleaning the house.

For More: Listen for free every day to the Daily Audio Bible and what I have in the stereo: Inspired By . . . The Bible Experience

4. In a Year …
There have been many seasons where I’ve read the Bible in a year. Perhaps my most favorite plan was with this plan on a bookmark, that has only 25 readings slotted a month, allowing for five catch-up days. And no flipping back and forth to find the plan…. Just tuck in the bookmarks. And begin whatever time of the year with whatever Bible you have.

Free Bookmarks for easy Bible-in-a-year Reading Plan — from John Piper’s Bethlehem Baptist

5. In Book Repeat …
This way of eating Scripture has yielded very toned, healthy souls and I highly recommend it to hungry hearts. I have found “the book repeat” way of Scripture reading truly lets a soul ruminate on Truth powerfully and effectively. Simply:

a. select a shorter book of the Bible (I’ve chosen Philippians once, Colossians another)
b. read it through
c. Then repeat, twenty times, reading at a your usual pace, considering the book as a whole meal.

Cultivating Daily into Family: “how a 6th birth is a new experience” or “are we grateful each time?” Exciting news!!!

Because we both have six kids, we get asked this one question a lot. It is always meant as a joke, and honestly I never get tired of being asked. Maybe it’s because I never get tired of the subject of the question, but that’s more of a Valentine’s post. Today’s post is for some breaking news celebrated from a grateful heart.

Oh yeah, the question we get asked because we both have six kids? Here you go – “You know how that happens right?”

And the antecedent of “both?” My brother Erik and I both have six kids, although my sixth isn’t due for face to face arrival until early August sometime.

And the exciting news?!? Erik and Erin’s sixth little gift arrived this morning!!!!!!!!!!

Emery Elaine Dukes comes into a family of five brothers. She will likely alternate thinking about them as a bunch of Knights in Shining Armor and a bunch over-protective, insensitive, annoyances. I am biased since they are my nephews, but I bet they will be the former much, much more than the latter. What is for sure is that the atmosphere of their home just got pinker and purpler and prettier. :)

And the picture that my wife sent me of Erik holding his brand new daughter was so breath-taking.

It was Erin’s sixth child born, and Jen got to be there this time for the first time. It was Erik’s sixth child born, but it was his first girl. And as a little brother, I don’t get to experience many things first before my wonderful big brother, but I have already held three daughters and look forward with excitement, Lord willing, to holding a fourth this summer. Erik got a whole new experience this morning holding a child that belonged to him that was not of the male persuasion. And it was breath-taking to behold knowing what was racing through his mind and heart.

It was exciting news! And we all are so grateful, celebrating each birth as though it actually is a gift from God that we in no way deserve.

Thank you Lord.

So cool that my dad has eleven grandchildren and one more on the way.

-jason

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift, the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?”
(Psalm 127:3 MSG)

Cultivating Daily into Family: awesome suggestions from author & my friend @TashaLevert on “cultivating daily with elbows on the table”…

Great suggestions and insight from author and friend Tasha Levert. So grateful she was willing to share this with us. I will have another post from Tasha in a couple of weeks. If you want to read her awesome book that encourages moms with an engaging mix of wisdom and humor, you can get is on Amazon by CLICKING HERE.

Thanks Tasha for sharing this with us. Give your sweetheart Tim a big hug from me, too :)

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Cultivating Daily with Elbows on the Table

Suppertime has not always been the highlight of our day. Tim and I have three daughters, and when the girls were younger, the hours between 5pm and bedtime were crazy around our house.

Each night, reality would waltz into our dining room and crush my Focus on the Family inspired visions of quality time at the dinner table as peas were chucked, milk was spilled, and tantrums were thrown. I remember feeling so discouraged one evening that I wondered if chucking my own peas would make me feel better. It didn’t.

Today, our girls are 11, 9, and 7, and while their table manners are still up for debate, I can say proudly that we have made it through the pea chuckin’ phase (all of us ;)! In fact, suppertime has actually become one of the best parts of our day.

Our tradition is to eat supper at the table with the television off (gasp!), and when we gather, we ask one of two questions:

:: What was the best part of your day?
:: What has God said to you lately?

We ask the first question every night (even if we’re hosting guests). I love this question: “What was the best part of you day?” The question gives all of us a chance to see a glimpse of each others’ life. Tim and I get a snapshot of what’s going on in their world, and the girls get a picture of ours. Some of our moments are blatantly Kingdom focused. Some aren’t. Regardless, the time spent sharing connects our hearts and our lives in a way that I think makes Jesus smile.

The second question, “What has God said to you lately?” is one that we only ask every few months. Our goal is to help the girls learn to hear God’s voice and to know that a HUGE God has something beautiful to say to everyone, no matter how small. Sometimes they can answer the question. Sometimes they can’t. If they have nothing to report, we don’t freak out, nor do we jump into a 10 week family devotion on discerning the voice of God. We simply encourage them to remember to listen for His gentle whisper as we dive into our dessert.

There is something right about breaking bread together. Take time to share a distraction-free meal with your family. Whether you’re chucking peas or sharing your God moments, the Father is pleased.

Cultivating Daily into Family: @GHGuthrie shares 4 suggestions for cultivating the near love of Jesus into your family…

Over the next couple of weeks, I will be sharing some guest insights from folks whom I have asked to share four suggestions for cultivating daily into family, into neighbors, into the marketplace, unto the nations, and for the sake of unity, respectively. Today the suggestions come from husband, father, professor, Bible scholar, avid reader, and all-around great dude – Dr. George Guthrie. Make sure and check out Read the Bible for Life as well as Reading God’s Story, both works that He either authored or compiled and invaluable resources as we all continue to learn and live the ways of Jesus in the daily rhythms of life.

He was my professor and mentor in college, is my friend, and will be a blessing to you I am sure as he has always been to me. I asked him for four suggestions for cultivating the near love of Jesus into family, based upon what he and his wife lived and did with each other and their kids. Thanks Dr. Guthrie for doing that.

Here is what he shared:

1. Cultivating space for our relationships with the Father. The good news is that God wants to know us face-to-face and has paid a price to make that possible.  Among other dynamics, the new covenant involves us all knowing God.  So, we have made time with God priority for us, and we have taught our children to have such time as a normal rhythm of life.

2. Cultivating our family relationships with gospel conversation around the table. As family members we also need face-to-face time with each other, and meals tend to be a great time to communicate. For our family, we have seldom done conversation about the Bible as a program; such conversation has tended to happen naturally as an outgrowth of our individual times in the Word. Our children have consistently asked sincere (and sometimes very difficult) questions about the Bible. The conversation is in the air we breathe as a family.

3. Cultivating our hearts and minds with good media. When the children were small, they were only allowed to listen to “Jesus music” (e.g. Michael Card’s “Sleep Sound in Jesus” CD) or the Bible (either in dramatized form or just being read) as they fell asleep at night; they did watch or listen to other types of materials at other times. We really worked at only allowing age-appropriate movies as they were growing up. We placed strict limits on video games. On the other hand, we have made reading central to our home (rather than a TV).  We and our children have been exposed to lots of great theology and stimulating stories that have developed our thinking about God, the world, and ourselves.

4. Cultivating space and resources for ministry to others. Ministry in and through the church has just been a normal, consistent part of our lives. We have involved our children in giving from their earliest days. We constantly have people in our home, either to live with us for a time, or to feed and minister to them for an evening (we currently have 15-20 students over for a meal every-other week). We are not naturally great at cultivating relationships with our neighbors and still are learning how to do that more effectively, but we have tried to develop an “others focused” mentality for our family.

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Thoughts? Questions? If you do have questions for Dr. Guthrie, comment here and I will ask him to interact with you when his time allows.

Hopefully these suggestions have encouraged you as you cultivate daily into family.

-jason

Cultivating Daily into Family: 5 proven suggestions from parents of 5 grown kids.

I recently asked our friends Tom and Connie (@clalbers) to share some parental insight with me with permission to post it here on the blog for all of our benefit. I am so grateful that Connie is a mentor and friend to my wife, and my wife and I are so grateful for one of her daughters who is our chief babysitter (she rocks the house). This family is such a blessing to us. I pray that their wisdom shared here will encourage you as you cultivate daily into your family!

I asked Tom and Connie this question:

>> What are the five things you would encourage parents to cultivate into their kids in hopes that they live daily with Jesus and live a life on mission with Him regardless of their profession or location.

Here are their five suggestions:

1. Don’t get caught up in the do’s and don’ts. Christianity is not a religion. Cultivate a love relationship.

2. Cultivate a sense of family. Make sure there is an atmosphere of unconditional love. No matter what happens, family will always be there, and they will always love you. This is not based on what you do or don’t do. Spend as much time with the kids as possible while they are young, growing a close relationship.

3. Encourage them to spend consistent time in the Word. Don’t make it a legalistic “school” type activity. It’s NOT about reading a book. It is about getting to know the only true God that has revealed Himself to us in Jesus Christ (John 17:3). “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly.” (Col. 3:16). As we are filled with His Spirit, we will be what God wants us to be.

4. Our goal in life is to bring glory to God in all that we do. To cause others to seek the God we love. Get our children to understand that “It is not about us.” We need to be servants. We need to be ambassadors.

5. Realize that our life is not our own. We have been bought with a price. Live it with Jesus and for His sake, not our self interests. We are to be good stewards of the time that God has given us on this earth.

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Thanks Tom and Connie. Jen and I love you.
-jason

Cultivating Daily into Family: be intentional with how you cultivate for healthy sibling relationships. How do you do that?

It was a special moment captured luckily just because I had the phone out taking a different picture a few minutes before. A 10 year old brother loving his 1 year old brother. Caleb and Noah – the little brother for whom Caleb prayed, unbeknownst to us :)

But to say we are grateful would be an understatement. We can’t imagine life at the Dukes house without Noah’s smile and charm.

And Caleb can’t have imagined another female (he has 3 sisters). :)

With five kids, we actually work hard at cultivating for healthy relationship between the siblings. It is not easy. Two practices we have seen that have been impactful so far:

:: don’t allow for tattle tales unless the siblings have tried to work it out without any progress or unless one of them is in serious danger. We have to coach them at times in working it out, but this is a good thing. After all, we must raise our kids to love others enough to confront and resolve conflict. It is one essential of loving relationships. It is one component of a forgiving culture. And to not cultivate for this implies that you are okay with relationships that stifle rather than sharpen.

:: encourage siblings to pray together, especially when resolving conflict. It is a beautiful thing to listen in on their respective perspectives as they do. Coach them to keep it simple and relational inviting Jesus to grow them and help them as they learn to love each other. Coach them also not to pray for the other to be different, but instead for their own sensitivity and growth.

What about you guys? Those of you who are parents, what have you done to cultivate for healthy and growing sibling relationships? Please share in the comments that we may all grow in wisdom together.

Grateful.
-jason

Cultivating Daily into Family: Parents, how do you respond when your kids make mistakes? Check out #MichaelJordan’s perspective followed by some personal thots, too…

Even though I am a Duke fan and have always been a Duke fan, I grew up cheering for Michael Jordan. The first Final Four game I saw on TV was the 1982 championship that took place in my home town New Orleans between Georgetown and North Carolina. As a young freshman, Jordan hit the go ahead shot in the final minute and was a key player in the TarHeel championship run that season.

Jordan went on to mega-stardom as a Chicago Bull in the NBA, winning 6 NBA Titles and catapulting the league into international influence, also paving the way for athletes to enjoy big-money endorsements and product lines beyond their own sports. Jordan definitely is considered a significant success as a basketball player and a business man.

If this is the case, then why is one of his most famous and powerful commercials about failure? See for yourself:

What a great perspective on mistakes and failure. My wife and I as parents grapple with this question all the time as we cultivate into our kids. Do you have such an understanding in dealing with the mistakes of your children as you cultivate daily into their lives?

Consider these thoughts that we ourselves are trying to learn and practice grow in more and more daily:

:: Let the prevailing culture of your family for which you cultivate consistently be one of love first rather than condemnation first (John 3:16-17).

:: Encourage humility and confession rather than just feelings of humiliation and a consequence given. (1st John 1:9)

:: When confronting and conversing about a mistake, don’t let a child’s first response be, “But he…” or “She did this…” Remind them that this conversation is about what they can learn rather than how they can blame. (Genesis 3)

:: When there is a relational issue among siblings and humility and contriteness have been quickly displayed, let the consequence be confession to one another and prayer for help the next time. (Matthew 18:15-20)

:: Encourage the joy that comes from having to be dependent upon a Savior and Restorer rather than the guilt that remains when we keep thinking we have to fix ourselves (Psalm 32).

:: Teach each child how to deal with the temptations that come in an assertive but reliant way – take each temptation thought captive then try not to deal with it alone. Rather, drag it to Jesus, surrender to Him, and ask Him for His ways to prevail rather than my own. (2nd Corinthians 10:3-5)

May we all grow in cultivating in our families for a culture that views mistakes as opportunities for maturing rather than signs of immaturity. And may we all grow in wisdom as we cultivate for culture of grace and love in our families.

For all those Jordan fans out there, maybe this is just one more way to “Be Like Mike.” :) Enjoy that classic commercial below…

Cultivating Daily into Family: Dr. King dreamed of a country where the new command of Jesus was obeyed. May it be so…

Today, as you remember the speeches and efforts of one of America’s most culture-changing leaders ever, may we reflect upon the culture that we are cultivating for in our own families. For, if and only if we in our respective families will “love one another as I [Jesus] have loved you,”  then and only then will we be a reconciled people. And this is how all of humanity will “know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Love on display. His kingdom here. On earth as it is in heaven.

Dr. King is quoted as having said:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

A friend of mine tweeted earlier today:

“We live in a world of counterfeit conversations, guarded hearts, and secluded souls. It’s time for love.”

So true. For only when we live as though loved, secure in Whose we are and assured that we are worth dying for to Him, will we give love as it has been given to us. 

I pray that Dr. King’s dream will come true for my children as he hoped it would come for his – that there would come a day when they are not known or judged by the color of their skin but rather respected for the content of their character.

Thanks, Dr. King, for your courage and love. 

Here’s Dr. King’s famous speech from the Lincoln Memorial in 1963 in its entirety in video form, followed below by the transcript of the speech in its entirety. May we be inspired.

“I HAVE A DREAM”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we’ve come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: “For Whites Only.” We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until “justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest — quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country ’tis of thee,
sweet land of liberty,
of thee I sing. 
Land where my fathers died,
land of the Pilgrim’s pride, 
From every mountainside,
let freedom ring! 

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that.

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last! 
Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last!

[from http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm]

Cultivating Daily into Family: making a new (or maybe a renewed) parenting plan for your family this New Year.

Jen and I try to be very intentional with our parenting. What we find in our attempts to be intentional with each of our five wonderful little ones is that if we don’t try to be intentional with how we are cultivating into their very fertile hearts, we aren’t intentional at all.

You and I as parents have very little control over what will be reaped in the lives of our children, but we have complete say-so over what we cultivate. And we do not want to be laissez-faire about our parenting, or we will intentionally parent unintentionally.

The point is this – you can hope for scheduled, teaching moments and calendared quality time, but it actually happening as scheduled and calendared is rare. Thus, be intentional to sow every chance you get since you have no chance at controlling what will be the reaping of your children’s future.

Simply try to be intentional to emphasize specific things, try to be intentional to discipline for heart-change, and try to be intentional to take advantage of those conversational, learning moments.

(1) Jen and I are learning that if we emphasize a few things over a long period of time, it is much more effective than trying to teach many things in a short period of time. Select a few things that you first and foremost believe are highlights of the teachings of Jesus and that secondly matter to you, then create engaging, non-boring ways to emphasize those over and over again over a long period of time. Like over the course of 2012!

(2) Jen and I are learning that disciplining to correct behavior makes little difference over the long haul, although it may modify behavior for the now. We are learning that disciplining for heart change is much more life-changing and future shaping. Two keys – kindness leads to repentance and challenging them to pray like they need help is crucial.

On the kindness front, are you primarily kind and calm or primarily irritated and frustrated? To be the former is much harder than the latter, especially when you think that acting mad is the only way to get attention and results. However, while Jesus did display anger provoked by selfishness and greed, He primarily displayed a patient grace that gripped the hearts of people causing them to respect Him and what He had to say. If it got His teachings a center stage in the best-selling book of all time, it may be worth a try for us parents.

On the prayer front, encourage your kids to ask Jesus to help them to obey or to be kind or to share or to tell the truth or whatever else. After all, do we need Jesus or not? Can we change ourselves with a more attentive performance, or do we need to give full attention to His performance? Do we want our kids going to college with exemplary behavior or believing in the Example? Do we want them to learn living FOR God or living WITH God? I would suggest that only He can change us as parents and our kids as kids. If our kids could simply better themselves, then Jesus died needlessly.

(3) Finally, Jen and I are learning that we must spend a quantity of time with the kids if we have any hope of having a quality of time. It is in that intentional quantity of time that we look for and take advantage of those conversational, learning moments. They don’t come otherwise. They can’t be forced. They are most meaningful when they slip up on you in the flow of conversation and life together.

So, in 2012, what will you emphasize, why will you discipline, and how much time will you spend with your kids as you cultivate daily into their beautiful lives?

Share your thoughts and insights here so we can be learning together!

-Jason

Cultivating Daily into Family: three suggestions for discovering & discussing Emmanuel as a family.

Most families have Christmas traditions. Cookies for Santa. One gift to open on Christmas Eve. Reading the Christmas story together. Advent candles. And there are so many more I hear about. If you have one you are especially fond of and are willing to share it, please do so in the comments section of this post! After all, that’s what this post is really about. As you are cultivating the Gospel daily into your family, I wanted to share with you three suggestions for discovering and discussing and celebrating the Child who was born to communicate the essential message of the Kingdom of God – GOD WITH US.

First, my family and I started a new tradition this year reading through the Jesse Tree readings from Ann Voskamp. They are beautifully written, imagination-engaging, Scripturally-based daily readings from December 1st through Christmas day accompanied by a small paper ornament that we can hang on a small tree that we have designated as “the Jesse Tree” (as she describes it). You can check out this great resource for discovering and discussing Emmanuel by CLICKING HERE. Obviously, it might be a bit too close to Christmas to incorporate this resource this year, but you could definitely look ahead to using it next year (unless you just want to do a marathon reading of them this week!!!).

Second, starting this week you can get a Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones and read the stories leading up to and culminating with Christmas Day. This resource is one we enjoy all year round because of the way Sally Lloyd-Jones stories the epic tales of Scripture around one central theme – that each story whispers His name. Every story leading up to the Advent whispers Emmanuel, as does every story after. And the Jesus Storybook Bible chronicles this greatest-of-all love stories of a God who chose to love we who betrayed Him before He even made us. Our kids absolutely dig the Jesus Storybook Bible, and I am positive yours will, too!

Third, this week and maybe even on Christmas Eve, simply take some time to sit down with your kids and ask, “How are you learning that God is with us, and what difference does that actually make in our daily lives?” Be patient and be quiet. Let them answer. Learn from them. Affirm them. You may be surprised by what they say. Consider together how God putting on skin, becoming a baby, and coming to be present among us changes everything about our daily lives. Talk about how “GOD WITH US” demonstrates that He loves us and actually is so very good, and how His love should compel us and transform us in how we love one another, even our enemies. Maybe conclude by asking, “Do you think that is what God intends for His church – to go daily among neighbors and nations to declare with our near presence His near love (to go and be Emmanuel)? How can we together as a family do that in the coming year?”

Hoping these suggestions will help you this week as you celebrate Emmanuel and continue to cultivate His grace and love and nearness into your family.

Merry Christmas!
-jason